Have you always listened to the tick tock fever pitch of your heart when walking in the Roman alleyways? Have eyes followed you around every corner?
I want to go down this alley with you. I want to see where we end up. Sooner or later we’ll part, for we all do, but let’s turn and twist awhile, let’s follow the invisible circus’ insistent rhythms.
The Strong Man, the Bearded Lady, the Dwarves, the Painted Horses, The Fire Eaters, the Trapeze Artists, the Freaks, the Carnivale Women, the Caramel Apple Man, the Sad Faced Clowns, the Elephants, the Monkeys, the Musician with eyes that undress us, the Knife Thrower and his Assistant, the Man with the Tophat, the Liontamer, the Lion, the Ostrich, the Peacock, the Double-Jointed Sitar Player, the Fortune Tellar, the Travellers… Let’s dance with them! To their intangible beats, to the long since passed echoes.
I still feel life in these rocks bleeding out for us. Giving it another go. Entertain us! Entertain us!
I still feel his eyes on us, undressing us, calling to us; I see the tarot cards laid out, I see different paths diverging at opposite sides of the table for us, I hear the clang of her silver earings, I hear the bells chime in a hundred church towers all at once. I smell the animal’s fur, I hear the smoldering, purring growl breaking into night. I hear the clowns laughter clogged with tears. Pancake makeup streaked grey, red and black. Forming rivers of impatient color around our feet.
I only need to hear your voice singing ancient songs we cannot translate and you’ll save me from going off into this invisble circus for good.
But the music rises, the memories crowd me into a corner, I need to move, to get out, to keep going, to keep moving, to rise to the occasion and be someone else. One self does not satisfy me. I don’t satisfy me. (2001)
(I took this photograph in Rome in 2008, Nikon Film 100, Englishman’s Cemetery, Aventine)